The second one is VERY important; *** being ostracized is more mentally damaging than being bullied. ***
Don’t know how many ways I can say this; being told “go away”, ignored completely when you speak, being chosen last for teams all say “you are worthless to us”
Kids think they are being nicer by not picking on someone that annoys them, and they are right. However, at least when a child is being picked on, however horribly, it means their existence has been noticed and has caused a reaction.
The cool kids hate it when the teachers pick the teams or assign students to work together in group. The ostracized kids are always relieved (of course by this point many would rather work alone after years of being rebuffed).
We need to teach our children not only to not bully and belittle, but to also be inclusive; to respond in some sort of non-negative way to kids they would rather ignore. It’s not easy, but being told by a peer that they are worthy of positive notice could improve - and maybe even save - a life.